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Shatter. by ~TwelveStep:iconTwelveStep:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Huddled on the couch, illuminated by the false light of the television,
She clutched her dreams protectively against her chest.
There were only three of them, three graceful, glittering doves
Doves made of the most delicate crystal, winked and glistened in the dark.
Her fingers feverishly traced hairline cracks as diamond tears slipped down marble cheeks.
But the tighter she clutched the doves, the more cracks appeared, until the doves shattered.
And left her with nothing but bloody hands.
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Submitted: January 23, 2007
File Size: 618 bytes
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Comments: 6
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Author's Comments

This is just so different from what I usually write. It's desperate and hopeless and bleak, and that's all I seem to be able to produce lately.

But I like it. It's pretty, in a weird way.
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Comments


~aeranth:iconaeranth: Jan 25, 2007, 6:42:37 AM
Very pretty in a dark way, like you said. The only thing I think I'd consider taking out is the "they took the form of." It kinda takes the power out of the image. Perhaps her dreams ought just to "be" doves. I dunno. It's a suggestion to a Mary Poppins piece (practically perfect in every way, that is).

--
Do better. Grow better. Be better. - George MacDonald
~TwelveStep:iconTwelveStep: Jan 25, 2007, 10:10:07 PM
Yeah, I think you're right on that. I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it at the time.

--
"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

[link]
~aeranth:iconaeranth: Jan 26, 2007, 8:48:14 AM
:nod:

--
Do better. Grow better. Be better. - George MacDonald
~GreyDreamLand:iconGreyDreamLand: Mar 15, 2007, 11:52:54 PM
Dark. Mysterious. Kind of depressing in the sense of what they are going through, but I still like it. Wonderful writing as always. I like the usage of lines to advance.

--
Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
The linuX Files — The Source is Out There.
Hiroshima '45, Cherynobyl '86, Windows '95
[V][I][S][T][A]
~ My anti-Windows.
~TwelveStep:iconTwelveStep: Mar 16, 2007, 3:34:54 AM
Thanks so much! :glomp:

--
"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

[link]
~GreyDreamLand:iconGreyDreamLand: Mar 16, 2007, 10:53:03 AM
Heh as always, welcome :hug:

--
Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
The linuX Files — The Source is Out There.
Hiroshima '45, Cherynobyl '86, Windows '95
[V][I][S][T][A]
~ My anti-Windows.
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